The Art of Letting Go: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Life
Finding Freedom Through Non-Attachment
Attachment, Suffering, and the Game of Life
“Attachment is the root of human suffering” has become a familiar maxim, borrowed from Eastern spiritual philosophy and adopted by Western wellness circles. But what does attachment really mean? It is not limited to material possessions, such as money, gadgets, and luxury items. We attach ourselves to intangibles like power, emotions, beliefs, and relationships. The original Buddhist precept of dukkha – that all life involves suffering— stems from our attachment to not only the physical but also the emotional and mental turmoil we experience, such as anger, frustration, disappointment, and heartbreak.
Increasingly, we are addicted to external forces in our “pursuit of happiness.” Our dependence on seeking pleasure, diversions, or comfort, and avoidance of pain — a desire to grasp, secure, and hold what feels good or comforting — ultimately leads to suffering. We grasp desperately onto everything we cherish with dear life, worried we’ll lose it, without realizing everything is impermanent. We’re afraid to let go, of giving up control.
But nothing remains static. Our reality is constantly in a state of flux. The world around us is transient, and loss is inevitable. Nothing is permanent. Our bodies change continually, as cells die and renew. Relationships evolve or fade. Mountains erode, glaciers vanish, the world remakes itself. This constant change poses a challenge: how do we find a sense of “peace” amongst uncertainty?
This recognition can feel overwhelming. Some interpret spiritual advice on detachment as a call to renounce the world entirely — abstaining from all worldly engagement, pleasures, and ambitions through some ascetic practice. But this is the common misconception. True detachment is not a form of escapism: non-participation in the external world or eliminating your ego. Instead, it means being fully engaged in the here and now, letting go of the need to control outcomes and dependencies. The result is allowing ourselves to have a deeper and more present experience of life without being consumed by the past or future.
Consider the monks who commit their lives to spiritual practice — seeking release from the bonds of reincarnation. Their existence reveals that existence is a “game” of sorts — one we can choose to play differently or to opt out entirely, i.e., to undergo a particular practice to achieve enlightenment. So, unless you are ready to stop playing the game and join the monastery on the mountaintop, you’re still in play! There is nothing wrong with playing the game as long as you realize it is just a game — not to be taken too seriously.
So what can we do to stay sane while still playing the “game?” Rather than forcing ourselves to detach from our surroundings, reinforcing a “dualist” view of internal and external, we can practice holistic presence. This means acknowledging our ignorance and desires and while learning how to let go without abandoning life itself — to be simultaneously fully present while being detached. Meditation, yoga, and mindfulness become valuable tools, not for withdrawal, but for deeper engagement with life, being present, and helping us find peace and sanity when we stop running away from ourselves. In this way, we can feel ourselves as playing a part in a continuum of existence itself.
The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself —
Yea, all which it inherit — shall dissolve,
And like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.- Shakespeare (The Tempest 4.1)
The Compass: Moving With Life’s Current
The Taoist concept of 'Wu Wei' (無爲) offers insight to navigating a constantly changing world. Often translated as 'no-action,' Wu Wei is better understood as 'effortless action' — harmony within change — rather than futile resistance. While the mainstream idiom "go with the flow" or "swim with the current" echoes a similar sentiment, it can be mistakenly oversimplified and misrepresent the concept. What if the current is taking us somewhere undesirable? A better way of framing this way of being is to "Get into the flow of things" — skillfully working with circumstances rather than mindlessly drifting.
Although we must accept the inevitability of change, just as bamboo bends against a strong wind without breaking, we can develop flexibility to respond accordingly. Consider a sailboat: instead of fighting directly against the wind, sailors tack at an angle, harnessing the wind's power through strategic maneuvering. They chart a zig-zag course, skillfully adapting to the conditions to reach their desired destination. Similarly, we can find an effective path forward by discerning when to adjust our approach and when to harness existing forces— "tacking into the wind".
The conceptualization of nature in Chinese "Zi Ran" (自然), meaning "that which comes upon itself" or simply as "spontaneity," reflects how nature operates. An acorn inherently "knows" to grow into an oak tree, guided by its genetic blueprint (a natural destiny of sorts). As a part of nature, we too have inherent tendencies and potentials shaped by our biology. Still, our human potential unfolds with greater complexity, influenced by genetics, environment, and our own choices. We have developed cultures and civilizations – unique products of our evolutionary journey – providing powerful tools for adaptation.
Although the values, beliefs, and structures within a society profoundly shape how we navigate the world, it's easy to forget that human systems are a recent layer upon the enduring laws of nature. Modern society's overemphasis on culture and politics can disconnect us from natural rhythms while fostering dangerous illusions of control. This hubris prevents us from recognizing the spontaneous nature of our existence. Our collective inability to accept uncertainty and impermanence becomes a primary source of helplessness in the face of a chaotic world.
Nevertheless, within our constraints, we still find our freedom through our choices and actions (or inactions). Jean-Paul Sartre's philosophy highlights our fundamental responsibility for our existence: "Man is nothing else than his plan; he exists only to the extent that he fulfills himself; he is, therefore, nothing else than the ensemble of his acts, nothing else than his life." Yet, like all beings in nature, we are bound by the rules of life. We live, and we die within the specific parameters of our unique existence; however, it's precisely within these parameters that our freedom emerges.
Start Here: Embracing What Is
We often fantasize about a different life, thinking, "If only I had this or that, my life would be so much better". We wish to escape from who or where we are in the present. This escapist tendency now increasingly takes the form of virtual worlds and social media. Moreover, with emerging technologies such as Neuralink and advanced AR/VR, we may be able to relive memories or inhabit hyperealistic fantasies — a Black Mirror episode come true.
On a less extreme level, it's about moving somewhere exotic, traveling the world, having the perfect career, the ideal relationship, or retiring somewhere in the sun. We often focus on the grass being greener on the other side – always somewhere else. Most people discover the hard way that achieving these dreams rarely brings lasting satisfaction. Upon reaching their desired destination, they may feel satisfied for a brief period; however, unable to ground themselves in the present, they soon feel restless and lost again — never able to fully enjoy the moment.
Consider this thought experiment from quantum mechanics' multiverse theory: imagine an infinite number of universes, similar to ours. In some universes, humans never came to be; in others, our Solar System doesn't even exist. However, in some of these parallel universes, you, or some versions of you, exist. Each version will have diverged in your (their) life choices. Some married your (their) high school sweetheart, others may have chosen a different career path—some more content than others. Anything we think of could be happening or has potentially happened in a parallel universe. If you could control your destiny completely and live any life you wanted, what would happen? We can rewrite all our perceived "mistakes" and "what-if" moments. We can have anything we want, achieve everything we have ever dreamed of in our professional life, and enjoy all the pleasures in our personal lives.
Furthermore, imagine we could experience life an infinite number of times in this multiverse, and each time, we could live any life we wish and do anything we want. We start by playing out all the larger-than-life plans and dreams we have now, always in control. We would do this repeatedly, playing out new and more unique encounters. Over and over again. Eventually, we would experience everything we wanted — the sum of all our dreams and desires. However, we start to realize that, having complete control, we feel that something is missing…
We arrive at the point where we want a surprise. Always being in control becomes dull – everything is too predictable. We experiment with "letting go" to see what will happen and experience the thrill of not knowing what will happen next. Those feelings of accomplishment and fleeting moments of pleasure were great, but there was no real excitement as we knew we could have it. There was no risk, no real struggle for any of those achievements. We realize that struggle and hardship are part of life: being able to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off when we fail to get what we want, and not always being able to have our way. When we have all the power and control, life lacks spontaneity.
After exhausting all possibilities, we'd eventually choose to relinquish control completely, embracing the thrill of not knowing what comes next. And where would that lead? We find ourselves right back to where we are. Out of the infinite possibilities of versions of ourselves, we return to who we are in the here and now. Why? Because it is only here that we do not know what will happen next. It isn't fulfilling our desires that makes life worth living; there is something meaningful about our mortality, of a future yet to be determined, not knowing if tomorrow will be our last, facing the unknown.
We spend so much time thinking of something else or mentally "being" somewhere else that we don't take the time to recognize this "very moment" is where we were meant to be, attuning ourselves to whatever we are doing in the present moment. The Latin phrase "Amor Fati" – "Love of one's Fate" – suggests that accepting what life brings, including its challenges, is the first step toward a more profound sense of fulfillment. Recognizing that there is something – destiny, the universe, whatever we want to call it — has led us to this point is a powerful realization. Like any good navigator, we need to know where we are first to see where we are going. We are not lost. We are found.
Tip: One crucial step to start on the path is to distinguish between the root problems and their symptoms, both internally and externally (and often, it’s the same thing!). Why do we feel disconnected from the world? Why do we feel so firmly attached to certain opinions or material things? Are we projecting our internal problems outward?
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